Post numero uno... or is it? I am not new at the blog thing but I haven't done it in a while and this is a brand new blog for me. Why? Well, I would like to call this the fresh, fresh start. How many times have I been down this road? I cannot count but every time, I have failed. Not this time.
When I was young and dumb, weight never really was an issue. It wasn't until I hit my 20's that the scale started to give a little whine when I got on. After baby number one I found myself heavier than ever and while I DID care about that, I refused to do anything about it. Baby girl number 2 arrived in '08 and wowsers is all I can say! For a while, after all the pregnancy stretching settled, I didn't even recognize myself in pictures. It was weird, like they played a trick on me. I looked at myself in the mirror every day and didn't think I looked too bad but then I would see a pic of myself and would see a stranger. It is still that way to this day. It saddens me to go through the picture files because there really aren't many of me. I don't mean that to sound bratty, like WHAA, there are no pictures of me. It is just that if a picture is taken of me and I don't like it, I delete it. I am sure my girls are going to look back one day and wonder where the heck Mom was! I was uploading our most recent vacation pictures (see above) and I caught myself doing it!! No more, I stopped before it was too late. I accept responsibility for where I am with my weight and I will use these pictures as motivation.
So I have tried many programs with little success. I am not sure why but I sabotage myself. It is very strange... every biggest loser competition I have attempted, I ended up gaining!! Most recently, a little less than I year ago I started to meet with a nutritionist with weekly weigh-ins. I have yo-yo ed but overall have lost about 10lbs. Again, though, I will sabotage myself with thoughts like "YAY you lost 2lbs! Go eat a pound of chocolate, a cheeseburger and a fatty steak, and while you're at it, have dessert with every meal this week." Finally!! I have acceptance. I said it out loud!! This is why I think this time will be different!!
The truth is, never in my life have I really had to work at or for something. I skated through high school and breezed through college. I have a wonderful job that landed in my lap and while it is a lot of work it is just what I do. When it comes to committment though, I struggle. Like these blogs I start with the best of intentions... These things take up time and I can always find other ways to spend my time. These things never stick. Weight loss, for me, is going to take serious work and committment. I cannot just breeze through it and expect it to happen for me.
I would like to say that this is day one, maybe I will just go ahead and do that. As I said earlier, I have been (sort of seriously) working at this for about 10 months. Isn't is supposed to be a pound or so a week of weight loss? Not a pound per month!! I am struggling to see the success here! A loss is a loss but I can do better!
So where am I now? Well, I am going to continue my weekly nutritionist meetings. I just joined a new weight-loss challenge group. I am not sure I will win because I don't have the most to lose but I know I can do well. I am still feeling my way around nutrition. It is all so confusing but I do know this... fresh is best so we'll keep on that path. Until next time...
No comments:
Post a Comment